Ask The Petsjubilee Pets: Oh Poop!

Warning: The advice and comments in the Ask The Petsjubilee Pets posts are for fun only and not meant in any way to represent real advice. Since the pets are the ones responding to the questions, the humans shall and forever remain blameless for whatever the animals post.

Last week we received this letter in to us:

Dear Sasha,
I am overcome with grief. When I was a babe, my mom used to let me run and play all the time in the living room. It was so fun! I zoomed around the sofa, behind the computer table then across the wide expanse to another sofa. I would jump straight up in the air and then zoom some more. Oh...those were the days! As I'm sure you understand, there are times when one must relieve themselves. So I carefully chose a spot out of the way, unnoticeable to anyone and peed and pooed there. It became MY bathroom, if you will. Well, one day when my mom was trying to look for me to put me away, she happened upon my bathroom. It was not cool. She shouted my name and told me I was a bad boy. She said I could no longer race around except in the kitchen on this cold, slippery linoleum junk. YUCK! To make matters worse, she lets my sister run around still! The other sister is so fat she just sits there, so it's easy to see if she if went potty. But, of course, she doesn't because she's a girl and girls are perfect.....blah, blah,blah. Is there any way I can convince my mom to let me have my old racing route back?

Pooped out Piggie in Ohio

Dear Pooped Out Piggie In Ohio,
Well, after much thought and contemplation, I think we have a solution for you. Tunnels!!!

Have your humans build you a tunnel system that goes all around the house or maybe even in back yard. You get out of the kitchen, and all the poops stay within the tunnel. I, myself, have been wanting a tunnel system since my puppyhood sandbox was taken away to put up a garage. Doxies love tunneling you know.

The tunnel can be pre-bought or even have those crafty humans build one out of boxes, fabric attached to hula hoops, PBC pipe, or maybe even that flexible tubing stuff that is behind the dryer. Got stuck behind a dryer as a pup (a very long story), but they look big enough for a piggie to go through.

If that doesn't work you can always try this idea that was left in the comments section of last weeks post:

Giupetto and Gianna Tails I think pooped out piggy should set her brother and sister up to take the fall. Then the human will have to make some decisions. :-)

Hope this helps.

Your friend in fur,
SassySashadoxie

Next week we will be answering this letter:

Dear Sasha -

I sure hope you can help me. I'm a really smart dog, for the most part. I even learned how to tell time - people time, but apparently, my folks don't know how to. For instance, at 5:30 am, I have breakfast. At 6, I have 3 peanuts, at 6:15, I get one rice krispie and one cheerio. At 7:30, I get second breakfast, and so on and so forth. The problem is, my parents are starting to slack off on my schedule. I sit there and stare at them, trying to use telepathy to jar their memories. When that fails, I start whining and doing a little agitated dance. After that I start whining louder and more insistently. My problem is, this seems to upset mommy and daddy and then they get further behind on my schedule, or even worse, they laugh at my antics like I'm trying to be cute or something. What can I do to get my parents back on schedule without irritating them so much (or without getting laughed at)?

just call me
Whiny Wonderdog

Please, e-mail your questions for Ask The Petsjubilee Pets to SassySashadoxie@yahoo.com. Also, please put APP in the subject of the letter so I don't have to open up e-mails about money requests to Nigeria. Apparently, SPAM e-mails even come to wiener dogs.