Once upon a time, there were three bears that lived in a national park. These three bears were rather troublesome bears, but smarter than most folks gave them credit. They spent most of their days looking for pranks to play on the park visitors and most of their nights looking for food or even a refreshing soft drink once in awhile. Some times they would go speed dating with the cub scouts, but not very often.
One day, the eldest brown bear named "Montana" got the idea to go skinny dipping in one of the favorite park visitors' swimming holes. When one of the tourists from Japan got a picture with a cell phone of his bear behind, and she quickly posted all it over twitter and Facebook. It went viral in 15 minutes time.
His two bros Black-eye and Rebel started to tease him about mooning the world. This made Montana very grumpy since he got woken up early from hibernation cause one of his two bros decided to TP the den with real used toilet paper from the parks out houses. It got pretty smelly in there by the end of February.
Anyways, Montana was going to teach this Japanese tourist a lesson even if it did cause an international incident. Cause she just crossed the wrong bear today.
Montana jogged over to the van and as the young lady was just getting in to the passenger seat. He stuck his head in the open window and burped a big foul smelling fish breath belch right in her face.
She screamed and the van drove off. Montana was proud of himself for teaching her a lesson until the news crews started to show up.
Apparently, no one could translate Japanese very well cause all they could understand from her was big bear attacked me. There were hundreds on news crews and animal behaviorist documentary film stars all gathered around the spot were Montana had belched. Montana tried to hide in the swimming hole, but it was doing no good.
They put up a temporary bear proof fence around the hole, and the media was all waiting until the experts could be called in to decide how to handle this vicious bear.
Then, out of a fancy jeep stepped "The Bearinator". All the bears grew up seeing reruns of this guy trying to talk to the bears. He was supposedly some kind of bear whisper, but all the bears joked that his mama must of ate the fermented fruit before he was born, cause he don't know nothing about us bears. The Bearinator stepped toward the fence and crouched down on one knee. He watched the bears, and the bears watched him. This continued for some time until he nodded for someone to open a corner of the temporary fencing. He stepped inside the fence and sat on the ground right by the opening.
Montana started to laugh. He couldn't help it. He could kill this bear expert with one swipe of his paw and this guy was just sitting there.
Montana turned to fetch a bag of potato chips to enjoy this show of what his bros will do to this guy, when the crowd all oooed like the Bearinator just did something totally awesome.
Montana was starting to think humans were either incredibly stupid or all of them were suffering heat stroke because they couldn't get to the swimming hole.
Montana reached for the bag of potato chips, and the Bearinator walking on all fours moved a little closer to the water.
Then, suddenly, there was a loud bang from behind Montana, and everything went crazy.
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Montana's brother had his own bag of chips, which he had wolfed down in no time. But being of the inquisitive nature, he thought it might be fun to use the bag for making "fish stew". He scooped up several dozen tiny trout and placed them in the bag. His intent was to smoosh them altogether for a trout smoothie. He twisted the top of the bag closed.On the count of three, he raised both paws and 'SMACK'! But instead of resulting in trout smoothie - the bag exploded with a huge boom and all the happy little trout spewed out as if it were raining fish from the sky.
All the tourists started running in all directions, becuase they thought this was a strange and alien event of fish falling from the sky. Plus they did not know what that big bang was, so they ran.
The bears watching this thought it was some crazy excersize, so they started imitating the humans, running back and forth and throwing thier front legs up in the air and waving them all around.
This, of course, made the people even more alarmed. Some of the ladies began to scream. Black-eye thought they were singing, so he began to sing a little tune he had been making up in his head. It was a happy little song, but the tourists didn't seem very glad to hear it. In fact, it sounded very much to them like a growl and so made them that much more upset.
Rebel was very musically inclined, so he began to sing harmony and Montana picked up a stick and began to keep the beat.
The bearinator called out to the excited and growing crowd "Quiet! I believe they are trying to communicate with us."
Slowly, one by one, the frightened people began to realize the bears weren't coming after them. They stopped where they were and started to watch the amusing show.
At first, the three bears thought it was fun. But after a while they got bored. Then irritated. Then angry! Who did this "bearinator" think he was? This was THEIR territory, not his. He was intruding. He was making them a spectacle, a show, a curiosity on display. All in one accord, as if they were reading one another's minds, they stopped all their singing and drumming. They rose to their full height and stood side by side, forming a wall. They fixed their gaze on the bearinator and in unison charged forward.
Well now everyone thought this was part of the act, and they all started laughing.
The bears charged forward and they grabbed the "bearinator" and threw him up in the air. They formed a circle and kept throwing him up in the air like a trampoline.
Well, all except Montana. Montana stayed back from the crowd. He didn't think this was such a good idea, and figured he better think of something fast...
Montana took out his Communicating With Humans For Dummies book. He made the sign language word for fish. One of the hearing impaired tourist ran to his car and brought out the motion activated singing fish that he just got at the park's gift shop.
He tossed the singing fish over the fence and it landed right by the two bears tossing the Bearinator in the air.
The fish started to flip its fins and move its mouth and sing "I Love Big Basses". Which caused the bros to stop and watch the fish.
The Bearinator fell into the swimming hole with a big splash.
Black-eye being quite hungry from all the tossing about. Decided the singing fish looked good enough to eat. So he did.
This, of course, was not an intelligent decision. But it was only when Black Eye opened his mouth did the full realization of his stupidity emerge. Clear as a bell, "I like big basses!" rang out with such clarity and force that the crowd thought someone had a loud speaker! He zipped his lips pronto! But how long would he be able to keep his mouth shut?
Meanwhile, the Bearinator saw his opportunity to escape, and with snail-like speed, so as not to draw attention to himself, ambulated to the edge of the pond and emerged covered in brown slimy algae smelling like decomposed flesh.
Rebel and Montana didn't notice the Bearinator escape because their eyes were completely fixed on their brother. Both had seen him eat the singing fish and both were flabbergasted. Black-eye had done many crazy things in the past, but this was an all new level of nuttiness, even for him.
As the brothers stood there contemplating their predicament, the wet, stinking Bearinator slinked off into the rear of the crowd, muttering to himeself loudly.
Well every time Black-eye opened his mouth, that song played, again and again. "I Love Big Basses".
The crowd was now roaring with laughter, and Montana was mad as could be.
Without even time to think it through, he reached his paw into his brother's mouth, and way down into his stomach and pulled out that bad, singing fish. With one strong swing he threw it up over the fence and into the laughing crowd...
"LOOK OUUUUUUUUT!" cried someone, and the crowd became like a stampede. Within three seconds, the laughing mob had fled....except for one. A small, very slender, shabbily dressed boy stood alone on the pavement. His head was tilted upward and his thin arms and dirty fingers extended toward the flying fish. The Bearinator closed his eyes, certain the child would be knocked to the ground. The three bears, however, stood like statues, eyes following the path of the fish as it arched up and over the fence and spiraled downward. The boy thrust his right hand toward the fish with his palm in a "stop" position when it was a few feet away. The singing fish halted its flight and hovered just above the boy's head. He clapped his dirty frail hands twice and to the bear's utter amazement, two more fish appeared and hovered like dragonflies on a summer day. The boy stepped forward, making his way toward the three bears. The fish, lined up in single file behind him, followed him like a dog follows his master.
As the boy neared them, the bears could see that the fish were nice fresh trout. They looked delicious. The slight, dirty boy continued to approach them.
Each of the bears was interested in meeting this strange boy that could make a fish appear with a slap of his hands. So they stood very still and waited. When the boy finally got within earshot, he cleared his throat and began to speak to them in perfect bear language.
"I am your friend."
"If you are truly our friend" Montana snarled, "you would let us out of this confinement".
Then there was a snap and a fizzle and the boy was gone. Then another spark and a pop, and the boy appeared right between the 3 bear brothers.
"How do you know we will not hurt you?" said Rebel.
"I am your friend" repeated the boy. "I will let you out of this confinement if you do something for me."
"You must kill the bearinator. If you can prove to me that you would do something like that simply because I asked you to, then I will let you out of here." said the boy.
There was a long pause. The bears stood there with their mouths agape. They could not believe what this boy was asking them to do.
"NO" said Montana, suddenly, and very loudly.
"NO" cried Rebel.
"No way" said Black-eye.
"We will not do that" they all said in unison.
Then in a very soft voice the boy said... "You have passed the test"
At that moment, the Bearinator, still reeking of slimy algae, emerged from across the road where the crowd once stood. As he neared the small group, he called to the boy,
"I was wondering if you were going to get here in time."
"I have NEVER been late. You should know better," the boy replied.
"I suppose, but I was not prepared for the tossing game I was involved in. It was a bit unnerving."
"Well...that is all over now," the boy assured him. "I have spoken to them of the Condition of Freedom. As long as they live within that boundary they are free to roam where they please. But if they choose to break the Rule,even just once, they will be confined and controlled by humans again."
"How can you be sure they will keep their end of the deal? It would be virtually impossible to catch them if they decide to break the Rule."
The boy looked deep into the Bearinator's eyes. "You know my past. There is not a bear in this territory that does not know me. It would be a simple task to find these three if they chose to disobey."
"To be raised by grizzlies is indeed astounding. To be discovered and educated by Grizzly Adams himself, is even more astounding. But how you manage to alert yourself to my predicaments and appear at just the right time is no less than a miracle!"
"HA...yes, this is true. Humans know the ACTIONS of bears, whereas I know their WAYS."
The boy turned and faced the three bears. Montana, Black-eye, and Rebel bowed slightly. "Go your way. Live by the Rule. And live free."
They all loped off up over the ridge and disappeared into the forest.
The boy turned to face the Bearinator.
"As you know, this arrangement will only succeed if you follow through with the same RULE. You must continue to try to relay this message to all you know."
"I take my work very seriously. I suppose you know that since you seem to follow my actions. I will keep at it. I did not choose to be a Bearinator because it was easy, but rather because I believed in the Rule. I will do my best to tell as many as possible though I cannot force them follow the Rule."
"That is all I ask, my friend."
The boy made his way up over the same ridge the bears had just crossed. When he was almost to the forest, the Bearinator saw him break into a lope on all fours. He couldn't help but smile as he thought about the many ways the Rule would change the ways of man and beast if only....
...you can prevent forest fires." The boy read the last page again and again with the picture of Smokey The Bear.
"Dad, I don't get this comic book that the ranger handed me at the park entrance with our map" says the son.
The dad looks over the comic book while his son finishes his pb&j. He tosses the comic book across the picnic table to his wife to throw away and says, "I guess no one followed the rule." Cause obviously, someone had to do community service in the stupid bear costume.
The End.
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